Women’s lives are busier than ever these days and unfortunately, taking care of ourselves mentally often slips to the bottom of the to-do list. But, mental health and wellbeing deserve way more of our attention because a healthy happy mind makes tackling our everyday tasks so much easier. To learn more, we conducted an interview with Celebrity Love & Relationship Coach Nicole Moore. Nicole works with celebrities, high-end CEOs, powerful and influential women to find their ideal partner. Using her signature Love Works Method, she’s helped thousands of women find lasting love fast.
1. Why should mental health and wellbeing stand at the top of our to-do list rather than having it slip to the bottom of it?
Without your mental health, you really have nothing. Often, we put mental health last on the list, but the truth is, when your mind is filled with negative or unbeneficial thoughts, it affects your entire day and your decision making process. Think about it this way – have you ever had a day where you were in a bad mood and it just made everything feel harder and you were just less pleasant to be around for everyone else too? Well, that’s a mild example of how your mental wellbeing can negatively impact your entire life.
The higher our mental health and wellbeing, the more we are able to think critically instead of reactively, the more we are able to discern and not judge and the better we are for our family members, co-workers and everyone we interact with.
2. How can comparison affect woman’s worth and confidence? What should she do to avoid such trap?
Comparison is one of the biggest things that can steal a woman’s worth and confidence. The thing is, we can always find someone or something to use as a reason to make ourselves feel not good enough or unworthy and that’s why comparison is such a trap. The key to get out of this trap is to realize that when your mind compares you and finds you less than, it’s not the truth but just a habit of the mind. When we see a comparison thought as just that, a thought, rather than the truth, we are able to separate from the thought, release the negative charge and choose how we want to see ourselves rather than defaulting into not good enough mode. Step one is to realize that EVERYONE has comparison thoughts in their mind. So, whoever you are comparing yourself too is probably comparing themself to someone else and feeling not good enough too. The second step is to see the comparison thoughts as a habit of thought that can be changed, rather than a statement of truth. The third step is to question the comparison thoughts when you become aware of them and not add to the thoughts but rather stop them in their tracks. When your mind compares you to another woman, for example, interrupt the thought and say “this comparison thought makes me feel bad so I know it must not be the truth.” Then, reach for a thought that feels better or more true. You could ask yourself for instance: “how am I equally as amazing as this person I’m comparing myself too?” and then challenge your mind to come up with at least 3 reasons why.
The bottom line is: when we challenge the comparison thoughts and turn them around to positive affirmations of our self-worth, we get out of the trap of comparison once and for all and feel a whole lot better about ourselves in the process.
3. How can a woman affirm herself all day long?
The thing about affirming yourself all day long is that you actually have to remember to do it, and that can be challenging in a world where we are super busy and operate at such an accelerated pace. A good practice to affirm yourself often is to think of 1-3 positive affirmations that you’d like to reinforce within yourself and set them as iphone reminders to go off every hour or as often as you’d like. When the reminder goes off, actually take a moment to stop, take a deep breath, exhale and repeat the affirmation out loud or in your mind. Then, take a moment to feel what it would feel like if you actually believed the affirmation and it was just a part of how you saw yourself.
Another great tip is to make it a practice to repeat positive affirmations to yourself aloud or in your mind anytime you are waiting. At at stoplight, on your commute to work, while on hold with customer service, in line for starbucks…there are so many times during a day where we have a bit of free time and the instinct is to reach for our phone to scroll social media, but women can use those tiny pockets of time to their advantage to affirm themselves and boost their self-esteem and worth.
4. A woman can have bad experience in the past. How can she get rid of the negative mindset emerging from that experience and delve into a rather new positive mindset?
It’s critical for women who have had bad experiences in the past that are currently lingering as a negative mindset in the present to learn to forgive the past, get the lessons, believe in a brighter future and emotionally move on from the past.
Forgiving the past happens when we stop seeing the bad experience in the past as something that stole our power, happiness or something that we wanted from us and we start looking for ways that the negative experience was actually designed to help us grow and get what we want. Of course, it’s easier to forgive certain experiences than others, but calling on forgiveness is a powerful tool to clear the mind of negative energies from the past. You can simply say out loud “I am willing to forgive the past. I am willing to forgive and let go of this experience” as a start and notice if you feel a slight energetic shift just from setting the intention to forgive. The next step is to look for lessons learned from the experience so you feel that you gained something and it wasn’t for nothing.
This can put you in a more positive mindset so you’re more willing to let the past go. Next, it’s all about focusing on your desires and what you want to happen, instead of the undesirable things that happened in the past. Give yourself permission to believe that the future can and will be different than the past and envision things as you want them to be until you can tangibly feel that reality taking place.
5. How can a woman clear her mind from negative thoughts? How often should she practice such habit?
A great way for a woman to clear her mind from negative thoughts is to start a simple journaling practice, daily is ideal, to put a pen to paper and write out all of the thoughts that are getting in the way. Write at the top of the paper, “my untrue negative thoughts” and just let it rip. Once you’re done dumping the thoughts on paper, end with a desire or intention statement about what you are creating now that’s the opposite of what you just wrote down.
Another great way to clear negative thoughts is to call a girlfriend and just vent, but do it intentionally. Ask her to just hold space for you to share your negative thoughts for 3-10 minutes and let her know you’re just going to share and don’t need feedback right now. Give yourself the space to get it all out to your friend first, and then if you’d like, she can respond with positive words about you or some loving advice.
6. What recommendations would you like to give women, from the mental perspective, amid the COVID-19 era we are living in?
What I recommend amid the Covid019 era we are living in is for women to first be real about what they are feeling. There are so many emotions swirling right now, people are afraid and a pandemic is a scary thing even if you are currently at home and not sick. So, allow the feelings to come up because if you don’t, they are likely to come out in unhealthy ways. Remind yourself that whatever you are feeling is ok to feel and give yourself a ton of compassion and acceptance. In scary times, we really have to be on our own side and give ourselves heavy doses of self-love to get by.
After you’ve felt the feelings, you can of course put a more positive spin on things, but feeling everything first is critically important.
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