General3 Ways to Comfort Your Wife After a Miscarriage

First of all, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. Because a miscarriage tends to be a private affair, you may feel isolated and overwhelmed by the sorrow you’re experiencing as a couple. As you comfort your wife, please also be gentle with yourself and make sure to take care of your needs, too.

Grief is a difficult concept to grapple with because no one handles it quite the same way. Where one person will long to be surrounded by family and friends, others desperately need to remove themselves from those they love and have some time alone to process the experience.

As you reach out to your partner, keep in mind that your efforts might not be what she needs right at that moment. Don’t insist on following through with plans you’ve made, and be ready to change direction if needed. If you’ve made plans to take her to your favorite restaurant and she is less than enthusiastic, put that idea on the shelf until she feels up to it. But do reach out. Be flexible, but present.

According to Stanford’s Children’s Health, “men and women typically respond to a miscarriage differently. Often, men shift into problem-solving mode when faced with a crisis. They may end up feeling helpless and inadequate when they aren’t able to “fix” their partner’s grief. Miscommunication is also a common problem. Often, a man sees his partner cry when he talks about the baby, so he learns not to bring up the subject. And because he doesn’t bring it up, the woman might feel he doesn’t care, when he really does.”

You can’t fix this problem, but you can show you care and love her hard during this difficult time.

Get Help

Once the initial shock is over, seek out some professional help. If only for a few sessions, see if you can find a therapist that specializes in grief to guide you through this difficult time. Every journey works better with a guide, especially when the way is a dark one.

Don’t be offended if your wife wants to go alone. Getting some mental health help together might seem ideal, and it often is, but your wife might actually do better if she takes on this part without you. Remember, grief is uncharted territory. Don’t try to force a path through the process.

At the same time, be willing to go together. If she wants you there, the experience can be a major help in your ability to communicate with each other and, ultimately, strengthen your relationship.

Another option is to suggest your wife join a support group. Because women are often expected to get over a pregnancy loss quickly, they can feel alone and misunderstood. When they connect with women experiencing the same heartache, they are often surprised and validated by the similar experiences and feelings they share.

Online support is available, but you can also check with your primary physician, a mental health professional, or your hospital for local resources.

Acknowledge the Experience

It may seem simpler to move on with life and pretend the pregnancy loss never happened, but ignoring what happened and rushing the healing process could actually inflict further damage, complicate the process, and cause your wife’s recovery to stall.

Some people will plant a tree or garden in remembrance, donate to a favorite charity in the child’s name, or take similar action.

This outward acknowledgement may be just what your partner needs, or it may not. Suggest and adjust based on her reaction.

But whether she wants to do something to remember the lost child, these miscarriage gifts form Laurelbox are a sensitive, lovely way to express that you care.

According to their website, “Our pregnancy loss gift boxes are tailored specifically to be given as a gift for someone who has had a miscarriage, and are a wonderful way to express your love for them at a time when finding the right words can be challenging. Give a baby loss gift that will help bring some peace and reflection to help carry them through this time of grief and loss, and show them that they have you as a source of strength and support.”

Time and Beauty

Don’t put a deadline on their grieving. They may seem fine one day and you’ll think they’ve recovered, and then a few days later suffer a new wave of emotion. Sorrow ebbs and flows.

Be ready.

In the meantime, go to beautiful places, If weather permits, get out in nature and feel the sun on your faces. Take beautiful walks. If you can afford it, get out of town and go somewhere truly lovely.

Do go to your favorite restaurant when she’s ready. Go listen to beautiful music. Show you have hope for the future and remind yourselves of the beautiful part of being alive.

Be kind. Don’t worry that you don’t know what to say. Be present in the experience and weather the journey together whenever possible. And, once again, take care of yourself, too.

This post has been sponsored by Stryde